The Friendships and The Letting Go

The past few years have seen some great changes in my life. Several changes have happened all across the board. One part of my life that has seen significant change would be my out look on Friendship. I'm quite confident that most people change their minds about friendship as they get older. You kinda have to as you grow older. At what depth does it change for most people though? In the last 2 years or so I've slowly been working my way out of a social train wreck if you will. I used to be the train conductor. Oh how I used to love meeting and keeping friends. I don't believe it was ever a insecurity thing. Not that I don't have insecurities. I just think I used to love making friends because in those early seasons of my life it just made sense. I've always been a people person but even that has evolved over the years. Now I find myself wanting less and less people around. Not that I have anything to hide, maybe it's hitting me now just how much I have to give. I realized after a while that I was wearing myself thin by putting myself out there to so many people and so many friendships. What are friendships really? I'm sure everyone has their own definition of friendship. My definition has certainly changed a lot over the years. There are many obvious traits to being or becoming some ones friend. I'm not concerned with trying to dig down into the depths of what makes a good friend or a bad friend. We all have our own reasons for considering someone a friend or not. Today I'm just trying to figure out how and why friendship has become so complicated. When in reality it shouldn't be so.

Many obstacles have disrupted the idea of friendship. The social network that my generation has grown up with, it has grown to be scary and uncomfortable. I can remember when I made friends before the internet came about. Those friendships were so true and authentic. They were hard to come by and people really had to work hard for all the right reasons to become/stay friends with you. Some one had to call you at home, come visit you, write you a physical letter etc. All things that are foreign in todays society. After the explosion of myspace and then facebook. Everything just became to easy. Easy friendships left and right. Almost over night, staying/getting in touch with someone became as simple as adding them to a big list. After you add up all of the good things that an online social network brings, you can start adding up all of the bad things it brings. Does the good out weigh the bad? Well I guess since so many of us are tied to it, one has to think it's all a good thing. These days I'm starting to disagree with that statement. I watch "friends" compiling hundreds of useless faces to there friend list. People they might have met once. A friend of a friend of a friend of a friend I got drunk with at a bar and talked to later at whataburger at 2am one Saturday night. So then they friend request you and because of the social network etiquette we've become accustomed to. We feel the need to add this person into our circle. So now you have basically opened up your life to a stranger. Meaning, this person you don't really know gets to see the pictures of your past. They get to peek into many facets of your persona. They get to know where you went to eat 5 hours ago because you post it as your status. That doesn't sound much like friendship. It sounds like a creepy movie. Then you try to delete people from the list of "friends" and the next time they run into you. They act like you hate them with all your being. When in fact you never talked to them or never really new them.

Why am I even talking about facebook when regarding thoughts on friendship. Well, sadly this is the world we live in today. A world that is engulfed with the newest fastest technology. I'm starting to learn when you step on the toes of new technology you start to step on the toes and identity of a large group of people. I'm also learning those people aren't my friends and no offense but no I'm not your friend. We are adults right? We can see this as what it is right? Without all the misunderstandings and hurt feelings? I'm deleting you because I don't know who the fuck you are. Yeah yeah, I know what bands you like and what books you read and I know that you went to the bathroom 5 minutes ago. I just don't know who the fuck you are, I never did and I never will. It's that simple. I just have a hard time witnessing people catering to the 958 people on there list. Needing endless validation of there existence. If you wish to stay in touch with those you are close to and use it for it's intended purpose, hey, awesome, good for you. Please just do that. Why feel the need to keep everyone in the tri state area involved in your hair due change, or the fact that you just checked into ______ insert bar/resturant. I feel this social networking thing has taken away from true and meaningful relationships. Instead of us making an effort to give a shit about your birthday or your party or life. We're going to just write something on your wall. So you know that we're thinking about you and haven't forgotten you even though we really did. Instead of talking to you face to face an apologizing for being an idiot. I'm going to message you when I have time next week. I mean it's all to easy. All of these names all in alphabetical order. Starting from your high school friends you tried to forget, all the way to the people you used to have sex with, down to your parents. Take your pick, they're all at your finger tips and it's just too much. Way too much. As I write this I'm definitely taking into account that I'm blogging on the internet, opening myself up to a wide audience if I choose to promote it. I also realize I am guilty of most of the things I'm complaining about. I'm just hoping some of you are seeing what I'm seeing.

Most of you reading this might be agreeing with some of this. Funny thing is you more than likely will think about making some changes to your social networking. In the end, the truth is. It's really hard to change things without letting it go completely. We all joke about getting out of the social network. We tell people we're tired of it, and make fun of it. Then two hours later we're getting our fix. I'm not just speaking about the internet here. How about not being able to have a conversation with people because they are constantly on their phone. I find it painfully hard to believe that not only do we have an obnoxious amount of people on our friend lists. We have even more in our hand held phone thingys. Meaning, at any given point in the day, wether you're on a jetty on the beach or standing atop a huge mountain. You can be distracted by a text message or phone call from 1 of 900 people. All of this noise seems to be taking over our lives. Is this what friendship has become? Stalking people and not feeling bad about it because they choose to put the info out there. Judging people based on very arbitrary criteria. Never really sitting down face to face listening to them be themselves. Instead we cut corners and use some machine. The friendship soap box I'm eating out of today has prone me to change several things in my life. It has helped show me that I don't need all of these people "friends" in my life. I have a handful of friends. That's all I need. Funny how in today's society saying you only need a handful of friends. Well, it actually makes people think you're a dick. Maybe because it challenges them to think about doing the same. Maybe not. It seems fear has a lot to do with it. Letting people go is a difficult thing. Some friends can be a major part of your life for several years, but when the time comes and you need to move on. It's hard for someone to understand you leaving them out. Especially when they've done nothing to wrong you. Rightfully so, they should have a hard time understanding. Again with this new generation of networking, letting some one go can be the hardest thing you've ever done or tried to do. I'm not afraid anymore. I've had seasons where some people were a big part of my life. I've had other seasons where they weren't. So you just move forward. That's life right? I've had many people over the years let me go. It is what it is. Yeah it can be tough, but no hard feelings. Just life. Thankfully I have some friends who are still trying to understand me and get to know me. On a level that stretch's beyond a computer screen and a bar room. I'll leave with this. Their are many people that I've let go of in the near past, their will be more in the near future. It doesn't mean I didn't ever love you or care about you. Let's just be honest. We aren't on the same page anymore and don't have very many important things in common. It's not the end of the world, just the end of a season. Shutting a door on a friendship usually opens a door for another one to start. The key word here is ONE friendship opens. Not 900. Good luck with the 900, we'll be over here with 15. If we're lucky.